


Time After Time

by castlxbyers



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: First Love, M/M, Reddie, adult reddie, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:09:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21591253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castlxbyers/pseuds/castlxbyers
Summary: 20 years after high school graduation, Mike Hanlon reaches out to his friends, the Losers, inviting them all to Derry for a small reunion. Richie isnʼt exactly thrilled about the idea but once he gets back, itʼs like nothingʼs changed. And just like that, he realizes that itʼs time to give in and let his feelings be heard - loud and clear.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 42





	Time After Time

**Author's Note:**

> *Pennywise doesn't exist*

_♫ If youʼre lost, you can look and you will find me ♫_

“Ladies and gentlemen, weʼre landing in Portland,” the flight attendant announced, “For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the Captain turns off the sign.” 

Richie Tozier twitched awake, lifting his head rapidly from the shoulder of a young man sitting next to him and, embarrassed, wiped the drool off his chin. 

Curious, he glanced at the man to get a better look. He was asleep with his temple resting against the window. The collar of his jean jacket was turned up to hide his face, and his ruffled curly hair was covered by a brown baseball hat. 

Richie gulped, adjusting his thick glasses, and shifted his gaze back to the floor. It had been a while since heʼd last been so close to another man. His boyfriend of almost eight months had left him some year ago, and ever since their breakup he had been very cautious about dating. Tyler had broken his heart, and for a man as caring and vulnerable as Richie, it was a tough thing to get over.

He sighed. His choice to avoid relationships didnʼt mean he never missed being in one. He missed cuddles and kisses, having someone to play with his black locks — even hand-holding, which he had always considered a rather repulsive, unnecessary display of affection. 

So can you really blame him for thinking that if there really was a God, He wouldnʼt have seated him next to this particularly intriguing person without a reason? 

Too tempted to stop himself, he leaned his head carefully back on the shoulder on his left. The denim felt rough against his cheek but Richie barely noticed. He was too distracted by the warmth and the masculine scent mixed with a hint of sandalwood. Holding his breath in excitement, he closed his eyes. 

“Dude, what are you doing?”

Richieʼs eyes shot open only to meet a pair of blue ones staring back at him, creeped out. He straightened up and cleared his throat, trying desperately to buy more time to come up with a reasonable explanation for quite possibly the most idiotic, imprudent decision of his life. And _that_ , for the record, was truly saying something. The list wasnʼt exactly the length of a grocery list for one, you see — it was more like a J.K-Rowling-just-published-a-new-Potter-sequel type of roster. 

“Oh, that? Yeah, no, don’t worry. I do this all the time,” he replied, nodding intensely as the words came out of his mouth as if trying to convince both the man beside him but also himself. “Yeah, I _love_ weirding people out. Their reactions are always so priceless. Kinda makes me wish I carried a camera with me, you know. I mean, you’re young, you’ve probably seen those videos online where someone goes around touching random people in public and recording their reactions. _Hilarious_!” 

The man on his left still looked suspicious, to say the least. Dark brows frowned he just kept staring and Richie couldn’t even blame him. Even he had no idea what he was talking about. But much to his surprise, the guy moved his head in what seemed like a nod, then turned to the other direction, not saying a word.

Just as Richie was about to let out a sigh of relief, he turned back again.

“You’re that comedian, right? You’re Richie Tozier.”

The sigh Richie now released was far from relieved. “Yup, that’s me.”

“I was at your gig back in L.A last month!” 

“That’s… very unfortunate for you but hey, I appreciate it.”

“Yeah.” Suddenly the guy seemed a lot less excited. “You imitated my mother with a Jabba the Hutt impression.”

Richie sighed again, “I tend to do that, don’t I?”

“That was before I told you she was actually my girlfriend.”

If he had been the one sitting by the window, this was the moment Richie would’ve tried to figure out a way to jump out of it.

Three and a half hours, a lost suitcase and an excruciatingly long taxi ride later, Richie was finally standing outside Jade of the Orient, the restaurant in which he was meeting six of his dear childhood friends after twenty long years.

The whole get-together had been Mike’s idea, of course. Mike Hanlon, the most loyal, generous person there was, had been the last one to join the group that called themselves “the Losers” back in the ‘80s, yet he somehow seemed to be the only one eager enough to actually keep in touch with everyone. In fact, he called each of his friends like clockwise every two weeks just to check in and ask about their lives.

Richie loved the calls – not that he’d ever tell Mike that – but after the idea of a reunion came up one Tuesday afternoon, something changed. He stopped picking up the phone every time Mike’s face appeared on the screen and just let it ring while standing still, completely unable to move. His mind began to fill with excuses in case someone were to ask him why he never showed up and all of the texts and emails concerning the meet-up were deleted unopened.

He didn’t even know why returning to Derry – for even just for a few days – felt so difficult and made his stomach _ache_ with pain. No. That’s a lie. He knew. Of course he knew. It just wasn’t something that had ever been said out loud before.

“Excuse me.” Richie swirled around, startled. Behind him stood a man several inches shorter than him with an annoyed, tight look on his face. “You going in or do you think they’ll just bring food to you if you stand out here for long enough?”

Richie’s left eyebrow automatically lifted up. _Jerk_. “Yeah, no, I was just… Yeah, I’m going in.”

The man only grunted before pushing past him and entering the building. Richie took a deep breath and glanced at his wristwatch. 6.15. Was it too late to turn back?

Sighing, he opened the heavy front door and stepped inside. He was immediately greeted with a loud, over-the-top welcome and a bright white smile.

“Hi, uh, my friend’s supposed to have a reservation here. Six o’clock, the name’s Hanlon.”

“Alrighty.” The waitress was tall, slim and her light brown hair was pulled up in a simple ponytail.“What’s your name, sir?”

“Richard Tozier.”

For a brief second, watching the waitress’s confused expression while going through the list, he caught himself hoping he’d got the date wrong or that Mike had decided to exclude him due to his reluctance.

“Right this way, Mr. Tozier,” she then said, grabbing seven menus from the counter behind her, “your friends are already here.”

Richie sighed, then shot her the fakest smile he could muster. “Great.”

She led him all the way to the back of the restaurant, making Richie struggle trying to keep up with her giraffe-like strides. They meandered between the tables as if she was ensuring he really had an appetite once she came back to take his order. By the round corner table, she finally stopped and turned to him.

“Here we are, Mr. Tozier,” she smiled, “please, have a seat.”

Richie nodded, still quite out of breath and took off his leather jacket, placing it on the back of the empty chair in front of him. He glanced around the table. Six pairs of eyes stared right back at him. There were Mike, Bev, Stuttering Bill, Ben, Stanley Uris and… Richie puckered his brows as his gaze reached the man sitting on his left again. It was the jerk. It was –

“Eddie?” Richie couldn’t believe it. “You’re… You’re–”

“Sorry? Yes. I’m sorry. It’s just that… Well, I didn’t think you were coming so I didn’t realize it was you when I–”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Mike interrupted, “Pay up, Denbrough.”

Bill grinned and dug up his wallet, handing a fifty-dollar bill to him.

“What was that about?” Richie asked, perplexed.

“Bill didn’t think you’d show up,” Mike said.

" _Most_ of us didn’t,” Bill snorted.

“Sure,” Stanley said, “but you were the only one stupid enough to wager.”

“I don’t blame you guys,” Richie shrugged, “if I had bet on it, I would’ve lost too.”

Bev, who was sitting on his right, chuckled and placed a hand on his thigh. “Well, I’m glad you came around.”

Richie smiled, gingerly glimpsing at Eddie who now looked nothing like he did outside. “Me, too.”

They were halfway through the main course. The first ten minutes had been sort of weird, awkward, but a few successful quips later it was just like old times. Stanley was showing everyone pictures of birds he had seen on his trip to Brazil, Richie made a dozen jokes about the whole thing and the others playfully took sides in the dispute. Even Richie and Eddie’s bickering naturally returned to the program and made Stanley roll his eyes so much you’d think they were in his head the wrong way.

After yet another wild gale of laughter, Bill fell serious. “So, Richie, I heard you’re, uh…” He bit his lip.

Richie looked at him, taking a sip of his beer. “What? Rich? Famous? The funniest man in America?”

“Gay.”

Suddenly, it felt like the whole restaurant had gone quiet. The word seemed to echo in the room with nowhere to go, playing over and over again in Richie’s head.

“Oh,” he let out, “ _that._ ”

“I’m sorry if that’s… We don’t have to talk about it.”

Richie smiled slightly, his finger running around the rim of his glass. “No, it’s fine,” he sighed, “it was a worldwide topic– it would’ve been foolish to think you hadn’t heard of it.”

“I wasn’t at all surprised when I read the article,” Bev said, dipping her California roll in soy sauce.

“That’s true,” Ben nodded, “she called me yelling, ‘What did I say, huh? What did I say?’”

Beverly laughed airily, “Well, it’s not like you tried so hard to keep it a secret. Like, all that teasing and namecalling – especially with Eddie, your jokes about sucking dick, the _hugging_?”

Richie felt his face fluster. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Eddie, but he could only imagine the pure shock on his face – which was why he didn’t want to look.

“Anyway, I guess I just always had a feeling that there might be…” She stuffed the roll into her mouth. “You know, more to you than you let on.”

Richie smiled to himself. It was exactly how he wished everyone could’ve reacted – like it wasn’t a big deal. Which it wasn’t.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Stanley’s voice was soft, like the time he had comforted him after Henry Bowers had written ‘Richie Tozier sucks flamer cock’ into the wall of the girls’ bathroom back in middle school.

“No, not really. Work keeps me busy.” He didn’t feel like talking about Tyler right now. Partly because he didn’t want to seem too desperate but mostly just because… 

“Eddie, what about you? You married?” Ben asked, resting his head against his hand. 

Richie looked at Eddie who cleared his throat, wiping the corners of his mouth with a napkin. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping would come out of that mouth, but as soon as he heard the answer, he knew this wasn’t it.

“Yes. Yes, I am. Her name’s Myra and she’s…” Eddie paused. “Well, she’s just great.”

The wind blew chilly as Eddie stood under the roof of the restaurant entrance, further away from the rest of the group. Beverly was smoking a cigarette and he had no intention of trying to get cancer.

Richie walked to the pentice with his hands deep inside his pockets. He kicked the ground not saying a word, just feeling the atmosphere.

“So,” he finally started, “you’re married.”

Eddie nodded, trying to ignore the sheer awkwardness of the upcoming conversation, “Yeah, for five years now.”

“Congratulations,” Richie said, halfhearted. “And I assume my wedding invitation just got lost in the mail?”

“Richie, I–”

“No, I get it. I mean, it’s not like I was in love with you or anything,” Richie snorted. He hadn’t even realized just how angry he was until he heard the words come out of his mouth. He wasn’t usually the type of guy to really speak from his heart unless he was drunk.

“I’m sorry, I just… I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Richie gulped. “So, you’re happy then, huh? With her?”

“Richie,” Eddie sighed.

“Well, are you? Because I haven’t stopped thinking about you these past twenty years!” Richie exclaimed, a lot louder than intended. “And you know, that is a long time to miss someone who’s already married to someone else.”

He had no idea where the courage to say all these things was coming from. Maybe it was because of how everyone had reacted to the news. Or maybe it was because until he had heard about Eddie’s marriage, he had secretly dreamt of telling him how he truly felt – how he had always felt – and just expected him to feel the same way. Because in his mind, there was no question about it. They were soulmates.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Eddie muttered.

“Yes, you do.” Richie wanted to believe with his whole heart that he was right. Because unlike any other heartbreak, getting his heart broken by Eddie Kaspbrak, the true love of his life, was something he’d never know how to recover from.

“Richie, I… I can’t.” Eddie’s voice broke, just a little, and he sniffled as if to just fill the born silence. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

Watching him leave, Richie felt powerless. His feet were nailed to the asphalt and his hands were sewed into the pockets. A single tear fell down his cheek as the idea of ever being perfectly happy again fade away.

Richie had been driving around the town for hours with no real destination. Everything seemed to remind him of Eddie and old, much simpler times, which is why he finally decided to go to the one place that was _filled_ with the most beautiful, painful memories.

The Clubhouse was an underground bunker in the woods. Ben had built it for the Losers to hang out in once the group had started to form. It was homely and sturdy, and the first piece of architecture completely designed and fulfilled by him they all got to see.

Richie climbed down the ladders and looked around. It was much smaller than he’d remembered.

The hammock was still hanging in place. A wistful smile appeared on Richie’s face as he sat on it and carefully laid down. As he stared at the ceiling above him, a memory from when they were just kids, fourteen or fifteen perhaps, came to his mind.

Richie and Eddie had picked up a habit of hanging out in the Clubhouse even when no one else was around. They could spend there hours, just talking and being silly. One night, just a few minutes before curfew, they were laying in the hammock again, reading a comic book while holding each other.

Suddenly Richie had put down the magazine. “Do you think that things will be the same when we’re older?”

Eddie had lifted his head to meet his eyes, “What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, like… Are we still gonna be… friends? When we’re all grown up and boring?”

“We’re always gonna be friends,” Eddie had smiled, “always.”

After a moment Richie had broken the silence again. “Eddie.”

“Yeah?”

“You know I like you, right?”

“Of course I do. And you know I–”

Richie had sighed, “No, you don’t– You don’t understand. I ‘like you’ like you, Eds. More than a friend.”

Eddie had fallen quiet for what seemed like an eternity. “I didn’t know,” he had finally said.

“Do you… Do you like me like that?”

“Well, I-I do but… that’s just not the kind of thing I wanna be, you know, dealing with right now,” Eddie had said, “my mom… She already despises you and I don’t think it would really be good for my health to be in such a stressful situation if it’s not extremely necessary.”

Richie had smiled. This had gone much better than he’d hoped. “So… You think we could get back to it when we’re older? You think we’ll… like, have a happy ending eventually?”

“Yeah. I think we will.” A grin had grown on Eddie’s face. “And I know _that_ couldn’t be the least bit boring.”

Beverly opened the shower curtain, grabbed her towel from the toilet seat and wrapped it around her. She walked out of the bathroom and straight to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of red wine. 

The Losers were all staying at a cottage a few miles from Derry, but since the guys were outside, doing God knows what, she had the whole place for herself. 

Just as she was taking the first sip of her drink, Eddie stepped into the kitchen looking like a sleepwalker. His mouth was ajar and his eyes blank. 

“Everything okay?” she asked, trying not to sound too worried. She knew how the boys hated when she babied them.

“Well, maybe one sip,” Eddie mumbled. 

Beverly sighed. “Whatʼs going on?” The man didnʼt answer, just kept staring at the wall. “Eddie? Eds!” 

All of a sudden he convulsed and his brown eyes flicked to her. “Richieʼs mad.” 

“What happened?” 

“He said— Well, I couldn’t— Itʼs just so— And now I just—I didnʼt know!” Eddie grabbed his inhaler from the pocket of his burgundy coat and took a shot.

Beverly sipped her wine, trying to make sense of what heʼd just witnessed. Eddie had always been febrile, sometimes to the point where none of the Losers really knew what to do with him, but she had never seen him so upset. “So… youʼre telling me you didnʼt know how Richie felt about you?” 

“How could I?” Eddie exclaimed.

“Well, how could you not?” Bev laughed. “Everyone knew, Eds, we just didnʼt wanna get involved. But Iʼm pretty sure the feelingʼs always been mutual.” 

“Itʼs… Itʼs complicated,” Eddie sighed and sat down on the chair next to her. 

She pushed the wine bottle slowly closer to him. “Is it?” 

“Bev, you donʼt… You donʼt understand.” He wiped the mouth of the bottle with his sleeve, and then placed it between his lips. 

“Youʼre right, I donʼt understand. You love him, he obviously loves you… Itʼs been literally twenty years and clearly nothingʼs changed between you two!” Bev gulped down the rest of her drink and continued, “Look, I get it. Youʼre scared. We all get scared, itʼs human! But are you really telling me youʼre still not willing to take a risk and perhaps let yourself be the happiest youʼve ever been in your life? After all these years, there wonʼt be another chance.”

With the memory so clear in his mind, Richie grabbed his cell phone from the front pocket of his jeans. He searched _Eds_ from the contacts and then hit the green button.

The call soon went to voicemail.

After having listened to Eddie’s voicemail greeting for the third time, he finally decided to give up and leave him a message.

“Hey, it’s Richie. I just wanted to say that I’m… Well, I _wanted_ to say I’m sorry but frankly, I’m not. I’m not sorry for finally being honest about how I feel. I should’ve made you mine when I still had the chance, but I was naive and actually believed those words you said to me that night. Do you remember? You said that we would have our happy ending later in life.” Richie sighed. “So, I guess I’m just calling to… say goodbye. Properly this time. I’m leaving Derry first thing tomorrow. Turns out I was right to think it would hurt too much to come back.” Richie closed his eyes and nearly whispered, “Take care, Spaghetti.”

Eddie was sitting on the couch in a position that wouldʼve looked unpleasant to anyone but him. His legs were placed tightly side by side and his arms laid on his lap, his fingers nervously playing with the hem of his sleeve. His right foot was tapping on the floor, so safely you’d barely notice.

After giving him much to think about, Beverly had gotten up and gone to bed, leaving only a quiet “You know what to do” behind.

But Eddie didnʼt know. He didnʼt know what to do. Because wanting to do something and actually doing it, were two very different things.

Suddenly, his phone started ringing beside his right thigh. The tapping grew stronger. His breathing was rapid and shallow and the hurt in his eyes tangible. With shaky hands, he grabbed the device and turned it around. A broken gasp escaped his lips. The caller was Richie.

Without hesitation, he sent the call to voicemail only to have it ring again in a few seconds. Voicemail again. When he declined his call for the third time, the irritation was starting to get the best of him and he wondered what would happen if he just picked up the phone. But it didn’t ring again. Instead, a few moments later, he got a notification about a new voicemail.

Heart racing he stared at his cell. Should he listen to it? He didn’t want to – or so he asserted himself, anyway – but couldn’t bring himself to just deleting it. What if something had happened? Richie had never showed up to the cottage, was he in trouble?

Deep down he knew everything was fine. Richie was just letting out more steam and he wasn’t sure he’d be ready to hear it. But he wouldn’t _really know_ until he listened to the message.

He hit play.

Hearing Richie’s voice like this, all calm and raw, was rare. He always put up these walls whenever he was in public or just surrounded by people – even with his friends – and sometimes Eddie used to think he was the only person who he had ever shown this side of him to. The real him with no walls and no jokes. Just honesty and warmth.

“Take care, Spaghetti.” Richie’s soft, tearful voice ended the message. Eddie wiped the corner of his eye. He hadn’t heard that name in so long but it was clear he had missed it.

“Wow. I can’t believe he finally said all that.” Eddie twirled around, frightened. Stanley was standing behind him.

“How long have you been standing there?”

Stanley went around the couch and sat next to him. “Not long.”

“But you heard… that?” Eddie was too embarrassed to even look at him.

“Yeah,” Stanley said, crossing his legs, “But then again, I already knew it. All of it.”

Against his will, Eddie’s head slid to him, “What?”

“He told me everything a long time ago.”

“Why’d you never say anything?”

Stanley ran his fingers through his brown curls. “I promised not to. And frankly, it wasn’t my place. You two always had such a special relationship. A bond that I thought would never be broken.”

“Why does everyone keep bringing up the past?” Eddie cried out, “We’re adults and… things are more difficult. What we had... It’s over.”

“If you say so.” Stanley got back up and brushed off his jeans. “You know, it’s a funny thing, love. People say it’s everywhere yet it’s so hard to find.”

Eddie stared at the floor, repeating Stanley’s words in his mind.

“Stan?” The man stopped.

“Do you know where he is?” Eddie asked.

Stanley turned around and a gentle smile grew on his face. “I may have an idea.”

Richie drove slowly down the kissing bridge. He got out of his car, leaving it running to show him some light. In the wood were carved many names, hearts… even short poems and love confessions.

He crouched down, his eyes tightly on one of the carvings. _R+E._ He could remember the day he wrote it like it was yesterday.

It had been the day after he and Eddie’s talk in the Clubhouse. They had been biking along the bridge when Richie had suddenly hopped off his bike, grabbed his pocket knife and run closer to the handrail.

“What are you doing?” Eddie had asked, standing still further back next to his bike. His head was spinning nervously, first right to left, then right again. 

“I wasn’t messing with you, Spaghetti,” Richie had started, not lifting his eyes from the wood. “Yesterday, when I told you how I felt, I wasn’t kidding.” He’d finalized their initials, added a plus sign between them and gotten up. “So now I’m just letting the whole world know that too.”

Sniffling, Richie ran his index finger along the mark.

“I remember that day.” Richie startled, turning around.

“It was after you told my mother to eat shit when she wouldn’t let me hang out with you. I always wondered what would’ve happened if she’d realized you helped me sneak out through her bedroom window.”

“Eddie.” Richie’s voice was soft with a hint of astonishment. “What are you—” 

“You were right. Iʼm not happy. Havenʼt been for a long time.” Eddie was slowly taking steps toward him. “This marriage, it’s… It was just something I thought I was supposed to do. And well, I always wanted to get married and… Myra was there for me when I needed support but couldn’t ask for it, so I guess I just… felt obligated to take the next step.”

Richie stared at him, quiet, for a long time. “I hope you included that to your vows,” he finally smirked as he stood up, facing the man he had been longing for for so long.

Eddie chuckled, but as their eyes finally met, his expression got serious again. “I’m sorry, Richie.”

“I know you are, Eds,” Richie nodded with a quiet smile, “I know.”

They walked closer, their eyes still locked. Hearts pounding in their chests they were heading to each other’s arms for the first time in forever. While they both knew their story was just about to begin and that there were a lot of obstacles in the way to overcome, they also knew that their lives would never be the same again. No more emptiness, no more melancholy. Just a couple of Losers in love.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first short story I've ever written so feedback is appreciated!  
> Thank you so much for reading <3


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